The Friends I Left Behind
Remember being a teenager, when the pressure to fit in felt like breaking news updates—constant, urgent, and impossible to ignore? Or maybe you’re living that reality right now, nodding along because, yeah—it really is that intense.
Growing up as a missionary kid added a whole other level of insecurity for me. I was stuck between two worlds—too American for Spain, too Spanish for America. I felt more at home in Spain since I’d lived there most of my childhood, but I never truly knew where I belonged. All I wanted was to fit in.
What’s funny is, in junior high, I was always voted prettiest girl in the class—but that never made me feel like I belonged. It never gave me a sense of security. I had solid friends, some I still connect with today (thanks to Facebook), but by the time I reached 9th grade, I found myself slowly drifting toward a different crowd. Not because my old friends weren’t good enough—but because I thought I needed to change to belong.
You know the saying: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Well, I was about to learn just how true that was.
The First Choice That Led to the Next
It started with a slumber party at a newer friend’s house. This particular friend wasn’t part of my usual group, but I figured, why not? Since our school was small—an Air Force base school where everyone knew everyone—it wasn’t hard to cross into different friend groups.
Standing at the bus stop on the way to her families apartment, she casually reached into her pocket, pulled out a pack of cigarettes, and held one out to me.
"You want one?"
I knew the drill. If I wanted to fit in, this was my chance to prove I was cool.
"Sure," I said, even though I had never smoked a day in my life.
I took my first puff—coughed. Took a second—coughed even harder. But before I knew it, I was standing there, cigarette in hand, trying to act like I knew what I was doing. And just like that, I was a smoker.
And get this—our school actually had a smoker’s lounge for students. Yes, really. Because in Spain, there was no age limit for buying cigarettes. So at 14 years old, I could walk into a store and buy my own pack like it was a pack of gum. And not only that, but we could smoke on the school bus. I mean, can we just pause and laugh at how insane that is?! Imagine a bus full of middle schoolers lighting up on the way home.
But of course, it didn’t stop there. Because once you start hanging out with a certain crowd, the next invitation comes. The party invite. And sure enough, it wasn’t long before I found myself at a party, drinking beer for the first time, getting drunk for the first time.
At first, it all felt so grown-up. So rebellious. So “mature.” But deep down, I knew—this isn’t me.
The Truth I Couldn’t Ignore
I didn’t grow up in a Christian school. In fact, in all five years I attended that particular school, I never met another Christian. Not once. Standing for my faith wasn’t easy. I had held on for four years, but by 9th grade, I felt like I was slipping, searching for something I already had but didn’t realize it. And to make matters worse, my older sister—who had moved back home to help my parents out—was secretly living the party life behind my parents' backs… and bringing me along with her. My poor parents… if they only knew! (Spoiler: They eventually did.)
But here’s the crazy part. Even as I made these choices, I never stopped praying.
Every night, I would lie in bed and pray, "Lord, I don’t want to go down this path… please help me."
I didn’t know how to stop, but I knew I needed His help.
And His help came that spring.
The Escape Plan I Didn’t See Coming
By then, my dad had gotten word about what I had been up to—smoking, drinking, the whole nine yards. I braced myself for The Lecture of a Lifetime. My dad was not the kind of guy you wanted to mess with when it came to discipline.
But instead of an explosion, my parents sat me down, and my dad handled me with so much love and grace that was exactly what I needed in that season of my life.
Then he made the decision that changed everything.
We were supposed to return to the States for a year in June, but my dad decided to move it up to April. We had two weeks to pack.
I wasn’t ready to leave my so-called "friends." I thought I still wanted that life. But looking back, I see now that my dad made the best decision for me. It was the very answer to the prayer I had been praying without even realizing it.
So off we went to Findlay, Ohio.
And let me tell you, it was rough.
I had to finish the last nine weeks of school in an American high school where I knew absolutely no one. There was no social media back in the day. No texting. No way to keep in touch with my “friends” in Spain. Just silence. And honestly? That was the best thing for me.
No more influences pulling me in the wrong direction. No easy way to fall back into old patterns. Just me, figuring out who I really was.
Then, the night everything changed.
That summer, my dad bought me a ticket to a Mylon LeFevre concert—an older rock-and-roll Christian singer and preacher. I wasn’t excited. In fact, I didn’t even have a way to get there. Until my cousin and his wife called and said they’d pick me up in 30 minutes.
I had been cleaning the house all day, looked a mess, but threw on jeans and a shirt and went.
And that night, in 1986, I rededicated my life to Jesus.
And from that moment on? I never looked back.
The Friends Who Shape Us
Friendship is one of the most powerful influences in our lives. Sometimes, we don’t even realize the impact our friends have until we look back and see the path they led us down—or the one they helped us escape.
I thought I was making my own choices, but really, I was just following the crowd.
That’s why I’m so grateful for my Heavenly Father who steps in when we don’t know how to step out. He didn’t shame me for my choices—He rescued me from them. He saw the struggle, heard the prayers I whispered in the dark, and made a way when I didn’t even know how to ask for one.
Looking back, I see now that my dad’s decision to move us early wasn’t just a parent’s discipline—it was God’s protection. And that concert ticket? It was God’s invitation.
Maybe today, you’re struggling with the same thing—wondering if your friendships are leading you toward who God’s called you to be or pulling you further away.
If that’s you, let me just say this:
The wrong friends will make you question who you are. The right ones will remind you.
Choose wisely.
And if you ever find yourself lost in the middle? Just know—God’s already working on a way back.
Scriptures to Take With You
Maybe you’re in a place where you’re questioning the friendships in your life. Or maybe, like me back in the day, you feel like you’ve slipped into something you never intended. The good news? God doesn’t just leave us there—He makes a way out.
Here’s what His Word says about friendships and influence:
Proverbs 13:20 (NLT) – "Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble."
👉 Who you surround yourself with matters. Choose wisely.
1 Corinthians 15:33 (NLT) – "Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for ‘bad company corrupts good character.’"
👉 Even if we have good intentions, the wrong influences can still pull us off course.
Psalm 34:17-18 (NLT) – "The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
👉 If you feel stuck, call out to Him. He hears you. He’s near.
James 4:8 (NLT) – "Come close to God, and God will come close to you."
👉 No matter how far you’ve gone, He is always ready to welcome you back.
This isn’t just for teenagers. At any age, we can fall into friendships or relationships that lead us away from who we’re called to be. But the beautiful news? God always provides a way back to Him!
So maybe today is your moment to ask yourself:
Are the people around me pushing me closer to God or pulling me away?
Am I surrounding myself with the kind of friendships that remind me who I am?
And if not—it’s time to make a shift.
God has better for you. Walk with the wise. Call out to Him. He’s already got the way forward waiting.