Ah, family gatherings—the place where love, laughter, and unsolicited opinions about your life choices collide in a glorious display of food, smiles, and deep breathing exercises.
I love family. I really do. But if we’re being completely honest, there’s always at least one person in the mix who can make you wonder if you have what it takes to make it through the day without losing your salvation.
Back in the day, my ex-mother-in-law wasn’t necessarily one of those people, but close enough. I loved her, I truly did. But she had a way of cornering me at just the right moment to share her ‘thoughts’—whether I had asked for them or not. One of those moments? My daughter’s pierced ears.
I grew up in Spain, where baby girls left the hospital with tiny gold earrings. It was just normal. So when my daughter was about a year and a half, I did what felt natural—I got her little ears pierced (there’s more to this story…LOL!). Well, let’s just say my mother-in-law did not share in my enthusiasm.
I’ll never forget the moment she saw my little girl running toward her with diamond studs glistening in her ears. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and then... back at me. Then back at the earrings. Then back at me. I could practically hear the dramatic soundtrack playing in the background.
She held it in. For a while, that is. But as soon as we got back to their dorm room where they were staying for a missions training event, she just had to say something.
“Well, Tracee, I…” (Deep breath. Fades out.)
“Well, I just can’t believe you…” (Another deep breath. Words escape her again.)
Bless her heart, she tried. Over and over. And finally, I just started laughing. I knew she so badly wanted to tell me exactly what she thought, but she was holding back. Sort of.
So, with a smile, I finally said, “You know what? I absolutely love this moment. Because I know you want to tell me exactly how you feel, but here’s the thing… I’m not your daughter. I’m your daughter-in-law. And to be honest, it really doesn’t matter to me what your opinion is.”
Now, before you judge me for my not-so-gracious response, let me just say—I was young, okay? My father-in-law, however, found it hilarious and absolutely lost it. “She told you!” he laughed. And just like that, the conversation was over.
What I Learned from That Moment
Looking back, I probably could have handled it with a little more grace. But that moment taught me two things:
Boundaries matter. If I had spent years trying to make her (or anyone else) happy with every parenting decision, I would have exhausted myself and lived in a constant state of defense. Instead, I learned early on to hold firm to what I knew was best for my kids.
You can love people without letting them run your life. I had a great relationship with my mother-in-law—because we had an understanding. She knew there was a boundary line, and I knew that we could love and respect each other without always agreeing.
How This Helps Us at Family Gatherings
So, if you’re heading into an Easter gathering (or any family event) wondering how to survive that conversation with that person, here are a few things to remember:
Set your boundaries ahead of time. Not every topic is up for discussion, and that’s okay.
Grace + humor = a winning combo. Sometimes, laughter is the best way to diffuse the moment.
You don’t have to defend every decision. Not everyone will agree with you, and you don’t owe an explanation for every choice you’ve made.
Love them anyway. Even if they drive you crazy. Even if they have thoughts on your parenting, your career, your weight (and I have stories about that one too), or why you’re still single. Love them. But also pass the mashed potatoes and change the subject when necessary.
At the end of the day, big family gatherings around the holidays are temporary, but relationships last. And sometimes, the best way to navigate the chaos is with a little patience, a lot of prayer, and a strategically timed snack break.
And last but not least, do as Paul says:
Romans 12:18 (NLT):
"Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.